The adverse effects of divorce and family disintegration are unfortunately becoming apparent nowadays. Consequently, this sad truth has predisposed many single adults to believe that marriage is a shot in the dark and it’s not really designed to last forever. It is sad to know that there are numerous individuals who are willing to relinquish their privilege to be joined in matrimony with the person they love just because they are overpowered by fear and anxiety that their marriage might also fail – perhaps like their separated parents, divorced favorite showbiz couples or annulled relatives and friends. Yet, it is my hopeful aspiration that after reading this article, your negative thoughts about love and marriage will be lessened and your dead pursuit for having “a happy family of your own” will come to life again.
On the 27th of April 2007, Rowel and I entered into the uncertain world of married life equipped only with unconditional love, great respect, strong faith, righteous goals, firm determination and eternal perspective. Truly, it was one of the most crucial decisions I made that changed my life forever. Moreover, as I’ve always said in my previous posts, I’ve never had any regrets! Anyhow, a few weeks ago, Rowel asked me if I was still attracted to him. I, the world’s greatest teaser, only responded with a grin. 🙂 But seriously and with all honesty, he’s still attractive in my eyes and I love him more now than ever. And in the course of our five-year journey as husband and wife, we’ve learned five major ways on how to stay madly deeply in love and be happy being together:
* Love each other for no reason, so that you’ll have no reason to fall out of love
If you love or marry your partner just because of gorgeous looks, dazzling personality or great wealth, then you might end up leaving him/her when beauty fades, personality becomes dull and riches are lost. On the other hand, when you love someone unconditionally, even if things fall short, you will still have so many good reasons to stay. Every time Rowel asks me why I love him, my answer stays the same, “I really don’t know, but I JUST DO!” Because we love each other for who we are and who we are not even for the five years that have passed, our goal to be together forever remains firm and our desire to endure all things becomes unwavering.
* Follow the principle behind the Marriage Triangle
When my hubby and I do the things that will draw us nearer to God – such as prayer and scripture study – we tend to become more loving, patient, forgiving, understanding, and selfless individuals as we can be. This in turn helps us to have a union that is full of harmony, affection, faith and happiness in spite of all the trials that come our way. In contrast, when we spend more of our time playing computer games, watching T.V. or facing the computer all day whilst failing to nourish our spirituality, we normally end up wasting our time arguing with each other and eventually losing the quality time that we could have shared together. Indeed, we can affirm that the principle behind the “Marriage Triangle” is true!
* Exercise trust and fidelity
A relationship that is not founded in trust, love and loyalty is like a boat that seems to be always sailing on a raging ocean even if most of the time it’s passing on a calm sea. What a tempestuous relationship it will be! Even when we were still dating and up to this day, Rowel and I never have had trust issues. We don’t allow doubt to creep in to our union regardless of the distance or circumstance. Moreover, we promised not to give reasons to distrust each other and much more hurt one another. Along with unquestioning each other’s loyalty and love, we exercise fidelity in our marriage. By doing so, our love only grows deeper and our relationship becomes stronger!
* Watch your words
During the early years of our marriage, we always had petty quarrels which regrettably turned out to serious arguments. Who usually ignited the fire? Of course, yours truly! 😛 I’m not proud of it though. The only things that I didn’t use my mouth for were cursing and swearing. In fact, belittling Rowel and blurting out hurtful words were so easy for me to do especially when I was so mad. However, I realized that those unkind words could have a detrimental effect to our relationship and before our marriage would be labeled as ‘over,’ I must stop. I did! I know my husband is so patient, kind and all, but I won’t wait till he becomes fed up of me.
When I’m really angry, I no longer say a word. When my other half pushes me to talk, I always tell him, “I don’t want to say things that I might regret later on!” Now, he so knows when I am irritated because it’s like nobody’s at home – no one jokes around or laughs out loud. As a result of this tremendous change, we maintain the love and regain the respect that we have for each other. If you’re going to ask me now if when was the last time we had a big fight? I could not remember anymore!
In a nutshell, let’s watch our words as whatever we say could no longer be taken back, it could deeply hurt the person we most treasured and loved and might jeopardize the blissful relationship that we have.
* Hinder NOT each other’s happiness and growth
Supporting each other’s interests, hobbies, activities and personal goal helps us build a relationship that is joyful and less stressful. There are things that we would want to experience together while there are some we deemed best to be done individually. As long as it is morally acceptable, we never hinder each other’s desire to do what makes us happy regardless of our company! Rowel and I never impose rules in our marriage for we both know our limitations. However, we never fail to remind each other. I’m so happy that I could still do the things which I used to do when I was still single like hanging out with friends, having a “ME” time, playing my favorite sports and engaging in good activities. My husband enjoys the same privilege. Remember, marriage is not a jail, so don’t imprison your partner!
Neither am I a marriage counselor nor a relationship expert; hence, I invoked personal experiences to support my points above. I am aware that not all relationships are alike. Thus, those mentioned ways might not work for everyone.
To end, I would like to express how grateful I am to my Heavenly Father for giving me an amazing husband and for blessing us with an adorable child. Also, I’m thankful for our five years of marital bliss! Marriage is truly ordained of God and it is not doomed to failure.